THERE ARE NO WORDS (WHEN SOMEONE YOU KNOW ABOUT HAS GONE THROUGH SOMETHING VERY TOUGH)
(How to handle this situation the best way.)
B and I went to breakfast at a
favorite mom-and-pop (which I will call O), one different from yesterday’s
(which I will call W). And we saw our favorite server (whom I will call E) and
found out their young child had no in this hospital (three to be precise) and
had two ambulance rides in the last week. Thank the Lord the child is doing
much better. Now, there’s the finances to face and the road to recovery.
I cannot imagine what that family
has been going through.
{Journaling Prompts or
Questions: Journal your thoughts. What did you think when you read that? How
did it make you feel? Did it stir up any memories? Journal anything else that
comes to mind.}
They are people of faith and
the parent we know said how they are very grateful for their faith and how that’s
helped them get through this.
{Journaling Prompts or
Questions: Journal your thoughts. What did you think when you read that? How
did it make you feel? Did it stir up any memories? Journal anything else that
comes to mind.}
When the server, our friend,
told us these things, we did our best to keep our mouths shut and listen. During
times like this, words and do far more harm than good, even when we have the
best of intentions. It’s best to be with them where they are and hang out with
them there. This lets them know they are not alone, and what they think and
feel is okay. B (my husband) and I have training (and education) in this and know
this is the best way to handle situations like this.
Just be present and listen.
That’s everything.
It’s also freeing for the
individual(s) going through the situation.
{Journaling Prompts or
Questions: Journal your thoughts. What did you think when you read that? How
did it make you feel? Did it stir up any memories? Journal anything else that
comes to mind.}
We have experienced many
people say after us saying nothing, “Thank you. You helped so much.” And B and
I smile and tell them how they are welcome. We didn’t do anything. We were just
fully present and didn’t try to fix anything.
We didn’t say, “I’m sorry you’re
going through this,” either. That doesn’t really help either.
When in doubt, it’s best to be
honest and say, “There are no words.” That, too, is extremely helpful for the
individual and helps much.
Yes. Use that phrase. It’s the
best phrase you could possibly utter in situations that are so rough.
Filling in with other words
can cause harm (cause great hurt) and may make them not want to turn to you
again when going through a tough time.
{Journaling Prompts or
Questions: Journal your thoughts. What did you think when you read that? How
did it make you feel? Did it stir up any memories? Journal anything else that
comes to mind.}
“There are no words” is
actually the most helpful thing you can say at a moment like this. This is
especially true if you shut your mouth and say nothing else and just hang out
with them, silent, and be with them in the moment. Do not rush it. Do not fill
the silence. Just be there. Just be present.
This is the very best thing
you can say.
Give it a try. You’ll bless
someone’s socks off if you do this. I guarantee it.
{Journaling Prompts or
Questions: Journal your thoughts. What did you think when you read that? How
did it make you feel? Did it stir up any memories? Journal anything else that
comes to mind.}
AFTER HEARING ABOUT A LOVED ONE GOING THROUGH
A ROUGH PATCH: SILENCE HAS MAGICAL HEALING POWERS
After hearing something like
that, it takes a while to work through it and come off the powerful emotions
and thoughts. And this is for the individual hearing about the rough time,
never mind the person going through it.
B and I were going to go for a
drive before hearing this. Then, hearing about our friend, E, we really needed
to go on a drive and process what we learned and work through the emotions.
We went to the mountains and
didn’t go for too long of a drive. It was just long enough to feel as though we
could breathe freely again.
Nor did we say much at all.
We did all this intentionally.
We know what works. And what works?
Just like when listening to E tell
us the news about their rough patch, we were silent. Having silence after hearing
about a rough patch also helps the person who heard the news.
Silence has magical healing
powers.
Silence is truly golden.
It’s the most valuable tool we
can ever use in relationships.
Just be present.
Do not fill the silence with
words. Just be there.
When you hear something awful,
be silent.
When you are in pain yourself,
be silent.
Do not listen to music or
anything else. Do not watch anything. Do not read.
Let silence do its work. It’s
very healing.
This is another reason to
journal. You can get out all the noise on the page so you can just be silent
afterward.
So, B and I were silent, and
are still being silent now that we are home. It helps. Especially when you hear
something awful. Especially when your heart hurts for another.
Be silent. Do not deny the
silence. Do not fill kit with noise. Just be silent.
Let the healing properties of
silence do their magic.
This is the healthiest way to
handle a situation like this. When you do this, you will find that you can move
on more easily and be less heavy inside. This allows you to be there for that
individual in a better way because you handled things in a healthier way.
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